BorehamBlog

Mr Gilles Leroy, herbalist, leaf picker and retired cocktail waitress of the Leatherhead vicinity today saved cyclist Stuart Boreham from almost certain slight cold (or ‘death’ as the Daily Express would put it) after the hapless adventurer exploded his back tyre (or ‘tire’ as the New York Post would put it) nearly 4 miles from civilisation on Leith Hill in Surrey.
What began as a friendly biking jaunt into the woods with some friends at 6.45am soon turned into a life and death situation as 41 year old phonographer Mr Boream (aged 3 found he was unable to effect a repair and complained of feeling ‘a bit parky’ as the rain began to fall.

Mr Leroy (pronounced ‘Leroy’) suggested an ancient remedy of stuffing leaves into the tyre using time honoured French methods. To his great satisfaction, this enabled Mr Boneham, 43, wearing a muddy blue jacket, matching filthy shorts and a silver helmet made from sheepgut, to almost cycle a further 300 yards without incident.

Mr Leroy (27) was later hear to say ‘You English never listen to anything we say - no wonder we gave you such a beating at Waterloo’ before moving off to help police with their enquiries. His later attempts to rescue Mr Buttman, 56, wearing a light blue dress with matching stilleto heels, by driving around the Surrey lanes in his car until Leroy found him, were much appreciated and Leroy’s sentance has been reduced to life with time off for good behaviour.

 
The failed Leroy Leafy Tyre Boot in all its hideous glory.